Explanations and Awareness

This is a bit weird as I haven't posted anything for a whole month now.

Before I get into the deep stuff, yes, my birthday was excellent, even if a panic attack in the middle of the Trafford Centre set a downer on the actual day, the weekend was great and was spent in great company (my lovely family).

The whole of June has been a bit of a roller coaster for me. I started the month on strong antibiotics which meant I was sedate for most of that first week, which also meant I couldn't go into work. The second week saw me head back to work, continue my birthday weekend with my coworkers with my amazing Minnie Mouse Cake and a card (I forgot to get some pictures, I apologise!) Then with new targets and discussions about my future at my current company, things took a turn for the worst as I started panicking and getting worked up about my performance and whether or not I would have a job or not after I finish my apprenticeship in September.

Because of this, I was singed off for a fortnight, and after a face to face visit to the doctors, I was signed off for yet another fortnight, leading to a whole month off work. It's been very weird not working for such a long time , and I've been getting bored very quickly with little to no motivation to blog or write anything honestly. My social media is bare, I've got no new blog plans and so much that I need to catch up with. In all honestly, I feel like shit.

I described the month as a roller coaster because it hasn't all been crap. I started talking to my best friend again after not speaking properly for around 6 months. She's keeping me going and if I didn't have her, as well as my mum, dragging me out of the house and forcing me to do things, I would be a lot worse than I am now and this blog post would probably be delayed for another month.

I'm also in the process of being referred for counselling! I've had a few people ask me if this is actually what I want, but I'm actually over the moon! I've been trying to get counselling since all this began 5 years ago, but due to my age, I went sent to the 16-19 team who are based quite far away and getting to appointments would mean taking even more time off work, which I can;t afford to do. Since I turned 19, they have bypassed the system and I'm getting real help. It still doesn't feel real.

As for work, I am due to go back on the 13th which looks like it is going to happen. Until then. I promise I will continue blogging and posting and updating my social media until you all get sick of me, even then I'm going to carry on.

I hope you all understand why I've been so quiet. Remember that if you feel the same, the best thing to do is speak up and let people know how you feel, only then can you get help and feel better. Feel free to email me if you would like any advice on doctor's appointments, mental health or supporting your friends and family members who might be struggling.

Onwards and upwards.